Blogging with my phone on the blogger app because I can't sleep. The backache is getting from bad to worse. This post is gonna be about mix issues, so don't get confused if you do find yourself reading gibberish halfway through.
I said it to you once just and I'll say it again. I am so grateful, so thankful, so blessed to have you. Whenever hear unhappy stuff going on between couples, whenever I hear crazy unreasonable stuff going on in their relationship, you don't know how badly I want you to be by my side, so that I can tell you how grateful I am, for you. And to anyone reading this blog, I pray that you'll find someone who you can relate THIS KIND of feeling with. (:
I miss both of you kukus. :( It's like we drifted but we didn't. I miss our lousy jokes, I miss all those retarded stuff we do together, I miss all the random things we talk about, I miss ending up having nothing to do together, I miss our failed plans but it's always so fun because it's failed, I miss what we used to have. Maybe growing up takes away things we used to take for granted. Like free time. We're all too busy for each other, I would squeeze time out of my hectic schedule just for the both of you. Will we all do the same? Or, will all these stuff going on in our life let us?
I guess, that day, when I broke down really badly, it was my last straw. I didn't care that I was in tutorial lessons, I just really cried like mad while watching, after watching that video. I was numb for so long that I didn't manage to realize that I was in so much pain and I always kept it inside, I always held my faith, even in times when I feel so empty I asked myself to believe. Just for you. I guess I just wasn't worth your courage to fight a little harder. I just wasn't worth anything to you. It took that moment, to tell myself "You're not worth it, it's time to walk away for good." You know it, if I was worthy, you would have. You can lie with words, but not with your actions. You broke everything, everything that I had, even when I trusted you not to. But thank you, cause now I'll stand up stronger than before. Slowly, but surely.
Don't even know what's going on huh. Talk about loyalty. Can I just throw it all away, just for the sake of myself? Can you for once, look at us and feel what we're feeling? You're just telling us do this do that, you expect this and that, and then you treat us like this. You think I don't feel it? I'm trying my best to be invisible, I don't want to be in your sight.
I'm getting sleepy, it's a good sign. Ugh.
/edits
My head is like splitting now. My brain's screaming for rest, but I can't. Don't understand why even when I start early, I still end up studying like it's last minute. Argh.
Somethings are too tiring to explain verbally. That's why blogging is my only outlet. It's like after I pen all my unhappy stuff here, I feel lighter. The archives are keeping my troubles for me. (: