19 days.

Was studying F&B and Econs when from the corner of my eye,

I thought I saw you preparing your kaya bread in the kitchen.

I turned my head around, but there was no kaya, no bread, no butter knife, no you.

I swear I smelt the fragrance of the kaya you like.

(Okay great I'm already tearing before I even started.)

Since you left, I've only shed 2 drops of tears. I think you saw.

You must have been shaking your head cause you won't want me to cry for you.

But then ah, they keep repeating the same sentence from the scriptures and I had nothing to do so I looked in front and I saw you then I miss you then I sad mah so tear lo. Cannot blame me one okay?

But since that time, nope, not even a single drop.

I held it all in. I'm your strong girl ain't I?

Are you proud of me?

I never thought that I would lose you so soon.

It was so sudden. No last words, nothing.

Although everytime you would causally tell me that you're old and that you were passing on,

I've always believed you'll live till a ripe old age.

That'll you see me marry the love of my life, create little mischievous angels like myself,

help me take care of my angels who will be scampering around endlessly like the small me.

I still remember when I was young, really young,

I used to tag along with you to the wet market, and then we'll go to the supermarket.

I'll fall in love with some stupid shit toys and you'll always, always buy them for me.

All the funny keychains and weird looking pencils, I still remember.

The way you would laugh at me and tell me they were useless but still buy them for me anyway.

I would stumble behind you and all your groceries, carrying a small bag of vegetables and my toys.

Then I grew older, and I stopped following you around like a lost puppy.

I would be in school and when I come home, you'll be preparing for work.

Your green rectangular bag? You've never changed it all these years.

In the mornings when I come over, you'll be fast asleep.

I used to sit beside your mattress doing random stuff.

You were always so tired that you don't even realize.

Friday nights I would stay over,
sleep in your mattress and look up at your clothes hanging from the windows.

I knew you were at work and I'll just count the dinosaurs on the sheets till I fall asleep.
Somehow every Saturday morning I get my soya bean milk chilled.

I know you left them out there to cool then into the fridge to chill.

Whenever I go to the market to get stuff, I'll specially pass by the shelter where you and your friends usually would be at, just to see if you were there.

And if you were, I'll shout "AH GONG" damn loudly. Heh.

You'll proudly tell all your friends that I'm your granddaughter.

I can see it from the look in your eyes, the smile on your face.

And I'm really proud to have you too you know?
You're one of the greatest man I've ever known.

There's still so many so many things I remember about you.

But I can't go on. 

My nose and eyes are coming off. I feel the skin peeling liao nah!

I miss you.

It's all the dreams that never came true cause you're too damn scared to try.

Since I can't concentrate and be productive on my notes, my ridiculously boring notes,

I shall write some of my nonsense. I'm forever writing nonsense.

But people read my nonsense. So they are not really nonsense I guess.

I DON'T KNOW LAH. WHO STARTED THIS TOPIC? WHO. WHO?!

Anyway, my notes are really boring. I have no idea how to describe them.

Or maybe it's me. I've been on the same module for like 2 days straight.

I just can't take all those boring shit anymore.

Most of the stuff are common sense but we have to memorize the points and sub-points 

AND subsub-points now that's not the end we still have the elaborations.

It's irritating beyond words I tell you. No kid.

My contacts expiring soon, and my new pair is probably lost in the ocean.

@clairemellows can you feel my desperateness?!

Arboh I'll just go to the optician to get a random pair.

All I want for Christmas

I want need my iPhone 4s now.

Less than a month's time, 3Gs please hang in there.

It's not forever.

Just looked at myself properly for the first time in a long time in the mirror.
How did I become like this? I look so tired and lifeless.
My jawline is disappearing due to lack of discipline but the collarbones are still there.
Right arms is bigger than left arm due to? Yes, muscles.
But that's not my focus now.

Right now, there's only 4.0 in my head.
Although it seems like an impossible goal, but I'll just try to get as close as possible I can.

Honestly, I feel so drained now but I'm still studying ECMR.
I guess it's just the module that is so dry and tough.
Maybe switching to studying a different module will help.
Like? Economics?

I can't afford to let myself get distracted.

Shall go get my 5th cup of coffee now.

I'm tired. I am really really tired.
Can everyone just go to sleep and let me do my work?

感恩，就那么简单。

“We always make links between food wastage and Africa. But, if we didn't waste food, how much will the poverty situation be improved?

Familiar?

Let me show you one more.

"Our parents always say don't waste food cause the children in Africa are starving. But then, even if we don't waste food they also have nothing to eat what. Funny horh?"

The first quote is a direct copy from my friend's twitter. She's a JC2 student.

The second quote was told to me by my cousin who is still in primary school.

Yes, it's a fact that no matter how much food wastage there is, the starving people in Africa will still,

be starving.

However, no, it is not a valid reason to waste food. It is not a valid reason to think that food wastage is 

"okay". It is definitely not the mentality to have when you're full and you decide to throw your food away just because, "Oh, even if I throw all these away, it doesn't make a difference to the problem of starvation."

Somehow whenever I hear people speak like this my heart aches. How did we become like this?

Yada go ahead with the argument of "freedom of speech" I do not care. 

I remember during SIWW, I saw trays and trays of good food being thrown into the bin. I recall how the aunties and uncles who worked there asked us to take more food to eat and how they secretly packed the food for us because it was not allowed to be brought out. When they told us taking away was forbidden, I was... I was, ha, I don't know how to describe. Appalled? Not intense enough. 

I remember the exact words.

“不可以带走的！一定要丢！”

What message are they sending? That discarding of perfectly fresh food is more acceptable than bringing the food out of the convention centre for employees to bring home for consumption?! I really don't understand the mentality of those people with higher education level than myself.

I once saw this video of this group of people who were doing a documentary on the problem of starvation in Africa. They filmed parts of their journey and I watch the part when they arrived at this victimized village. This naked child, skinny till his skin was wrapped to his rib cage. He was lying in the middle of this road. It is not even a road lah, it's was just bare soil ground. The researchers didn't touch him because they didn't know the reason why he was left there (he might be carrying a disease or something). Then they found his brother who brought some muddy water to bath him. I think the researchers called for help but didn't help the boy themselves because the boy was so weak that if they moved him, they could hurt him. I don't know what happened next cause I closed the video. As usual, I didn't have the courage to watch it.

Take a look at the situation there and take a look at the things we're doing here in Singapore.

It's not even about "wasting food won't help starving children" anymore.

The reason why we are taught not to waste food and think of the starving Africans is not even about if they will be fed if we did not waste food. It's not even about trying to improve the situation there .

It's about giving thanks to what we have, where we are and that we are able to cloth ourselves properly. It's about being grateful that we won't have to go hungry or thirsty and not being able to do anything about it. It's about knowing what we have and what others are literally dying to have and appreciate it like we won't have it tomorrow. It's about hoping, someday, when we grow up, when we finally have the ability to, we can help people who are less fortunate. That maybe in future, we will never have to link poverty with Africa ever again.

Just a random post.

Waiting for my group's turn to present.
I am so sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeepy and tired!

My piercings are hurting a little cause I just re-inserted the earsticks yesterday night.
Omo, I'll never leave them bare for so long ever again.
I had to use force for all 5 holes to get the sticks through.

Ohoh, I took out my helix piercing also to see see look look.
It looks weird... cause it's like a puncture on my ear and it's damn obvious.

Gonna get earrings for all 6 piercings. *beams*
Soon, I guess. HEEHEE.

Yeah, not gonna try to link my sentences.
These few weeks has been, tough.
Physically and mentally.

Many thoughts. Yeah.
No, I'm not sharing them cause I am selfish.

That's all.