I almost forgot I had a blog. Time for self reflection I guess, I can't seem to put what I'm feeling now into words. PMS is just an excuse to throw a temper. No, I'm not suffering from PMS, I'm just in a really foul mood.
People see me as a bubbly, easy-going, friendly and positive person. Sorry to disappoint, I'm not exactly that all the time. Sometimes I think that my negative traits overpower my positive ones.
I'm afraid of annoying people, all the times. I'm afraid that they'll be annoyed by my sudden burst of energy/uncontrollable laughter. I'm afraid that they'll be scared away by my hostility. I'm afraid they'll think I'm an attention seeking bitch when I'm sad. I'm trapped in the eyes of society. I'm mindful of what people think of me, say of me, feel of me.
Also, I hate apologizing. Some childhood stuff. I do it when I have to, but I simply hate doing that. That's why I'm always extra careful when handling humans so that I don't do anything wrong. Often being too careful.
Sometimes, I think I'm too harsh on my friends too. Probably because they are everything I have. I have always been detached from my family so I guess my best friends are probably the people that knows almost everything that I am. Since young, I was trained to be a fighter. Maybe I can use that as an excuse for my aggressive nature. I don't know how to love them gently, yet they are always here for me.
I don't know how to be a better person for everyone. But I'm willing to learn.
Does anything even make sense here?