Vroom.

I really want to blog about something happy. *stares blankly*

Well, I have really amazing friends. I can't explain how much I love them.
Whether close or not, thank you for being my nakama.

"If you're going through hell, keep going."
I'll keep moving so that I won't end up even more lost than I am now.

Lord, please calm this wretch soul of mine.

I almost forgot I had a blog. Time for self reflection I guess, I can't seem to put what I'm feeling now into words. PMS is just an excuse to throw a temper. No, I'm not suffering from PMS, I'm just in a really foul mood.

People see me as a bubbly, easy-going, friendly and positive person. Sorry to disappoint, I'm not exactly that all the time. Sometimes I think that my negative traits overpower my positive ones.

I'm afraid of annoying people, all the times. I'm afraid that they'll be annoyed by my sudden burst of energy/uncontrollable laughter. I'm afraid that they'll be scared away by my hostility. I'm afraid they'll think I'm an attention seeking bitch when I'm sad. I'm trapped in the eyes of society. I'm mindful of what people think of me, say of me, feel of me.

Also, I hate apologizing. Some childhood stuff. I do it when I have to, but I simply hate doing that. That's why I'm always extra careful when handling humans so that I don't do anything wrong. Often being too careful.

Sometimes, I think I'm too harsh on my friends too. Probably because they are everything I have. I have always been detached from my family so I guess my best friends are probably the people that knows almost everything that I am. Since young, I was trained to be a fighter. Maybe I can use that as an excuse for my aggressive nature. I don't know how to love them gently, yet they are always here for me.

I don't know how to be a better person for everyone. But I'm willing to learn.

Does anything even make sense here?

Versus.

I'm sorry to worry everyone.

我想通了。


Love's Exquisite Freedom
- Maya Angelou

Love arrives;
and in its train come ecstasies.
Old memories of pleasure,
ancient histories of pain.
Yet, if we are bold
love strikes away the chains of fear
from our souls.

We are weaned from our timidity.
In the flush of love’s light
we dare be brave
And suddenly we see
that love costs all we are
and will ever be.
Yet, it is only love
which sets us free.

I tried to act like I don't feel a thing.
I tried to brush it off like it didn't matter.

But hell, the more I try, the more I think. The more I think, the more...
yeah lah yeah lah, I'm jealous.
Okay I admit, yes, jealous, superrrrr jealous.

Argh, I'm so angry at myself for being jealous!

Can't you just control yourself Lim Yi Yun?!

Useless.

Split seconds.

Today marks the last day of slacking.
Super reluctant to go to bed because I know when I wake up, it's time to be hardworking.
6 papers for ST. Just the thought of it kills me inside.
But it's not that bad after all with the long holiday that follows.

Just. Trying. To. Look. On. The. Brighter. Side. Of. Life.

(: