I feel like an owl in a cage trying to claw my way out. I feel like I'm forced to hunt in the day and sleep at night. I feel like I'm trained to walk with my talons instead of flying with my wings.

And I feel like I've dragged someone I love into the cage with me.

My mind is in a whirl. My heart is bleeding. My eyes are sore from crying. My body is exhausted.

I want to run away. But I have too many responsibilities. I wish a dog would just eat my conscience up.

Young and Free.

Was reading through some of my old blog posts. I cannot help but roll over with laughter in my office chair. No I'm not slacking. But then again, we were so young, so clueless, so happy, so free.

Now, we do the things we thought we would never do.

Would the yiyun 10 years back be proud of the yiyun now? Probably not.

But she would understand.

Eavesdropped.

What if you heard something that made you feel ashamed of yourself?

Meats and Potatoes.

You know how we always say that boys don't make sense?

Well, sometimes they actually do. It doesn't hurt to keep what guys say to you in mind, it comes in handy at times. When the girl's mindset and perceptions clouds our thinking and evaluation process of something or someone, it doesn't hurt to bring the guy's advice(s) out and remember what they once said. I guess it's important to remember what doesn't make sense to us, just in case one day we finally realise what we didn't understand back then was just cold hard logic we refused to see because we let the little devil emotions whisper right into our hearts and minds.

Just completed the second last paper of my poly life, hehehe the paper sucks so there's basically nothing to discuss about! I haven't been writing lately, so I shall just post a brief update of what had been going on recently.

Met up with my tennis girls after gazillion years, since oli flew back from UK, we had to grab the chance to get together! Dinner became extended gossip sessions of everything and anything under the Sun. Well, you put 5 girls together, don't expect anything toned down. ;) Secrets were forced out of each other and just sitting there reminiscing about the good old times was great. I say until like we very old but we're only like what, 20?! They keep saying how they don't even have boyfriends yet and I'm thinking about getting married already! Is they keep choosing and choosing lor! I wanna recommend guys to them they say don't want somemore then come tell me no boyfriend. Tsktsk.

To celebrate Wenyi's birthday, BGs decided to have steamboat + birthday celebration for wenyi! YAY! We wanted to bake cake but in the end all of us were too lazy so we just bought a cookie mix and baked a freaking huge ass cookie which is damn sweet.

We actually went to Z's house earlier in the day to set up, well athough there wasn't much to set up but still yeah. So Terry was bugging all of us to take picture with his new DSLR and only I entertained him hahaha.

There is me, painstakingly seating at the window to wait for Wenyi, who's LATE AGAIN.

SURPRISE!

SEE THE BIG ASS COOKIE.

Got wenyi to down one shot as her birthday shot! An achievement for her alright, she usually don't drink much hahaha! After the successful surprise, we moved on to having steamboat.

While getting the groceries, we kinda overestimated ourselves and bought too much food. $100 worth of steamboat ingredients my god. End up we kept like 30% of the spread on the table because no one could eat anymore! All of us except YW stayed over hehee. The plan was not to sleep but our dear Terry couldn't help himself, as shown in the third Polaroid.

Played charades and heart to heart talk throughout the night. Went for breakfast like zombies the next day before going home and sleeping like pigs.

And one of the highlights of 2013! I got tickets for NDP 2013!! Me Z Andy and Wenyi went together, I was so excited because I haven been to NDP for so long. The guys are just mainly there for the light saber thingy in the goodie bag. Sigh.

I thought I would be able to take pretty Polaroid pictures and it turns out I only managed one. D: I wasted like 7 films which all looked like the thing above. Well, it's a pretty expensive experience, just like when I smashed the rear window of my parent's car. 2013 is a year of happenings. 

Shortly after national day, my cousin enlisted! YAY! I feel so proud of all my friends that enlisted, my boyfriend, then finally it's my cousin's turn! Although he is in pes C due to some heart problem, but being in the army is tough alright. Everyone was so excited on the day, well, except for him of course. He tried to put on a calm and composed face but you can see deep down he's flopping like a fish out of water.

Yeuyann sent me these pictures because I was suppose to go along with them BUT I overslept. I know my cousin enlistment and I overslept. In my defense, I'm an owl during exam period so it can't be helped. I hope you guys find my lame ass excuse acceptable. 

It's not like I became a pig or something, later in the day I met up with Wenyi, Terry and Andy okay! 

See how unhappy I was! Terry just threw his bulky and fat camera bag to us because he wanna take pictures of nothing interesting. What is this.

We decided to go to bugis because I had to go to work anyway and WY wanted to spend her Sephora voucher. Whoop! And guess what I saw in Sephora!

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

TADA! OMGBBQRIGHT. I nearly nearly bought it, if not for Andy's aggressive protestation. I'm gonna watch it TOMORROW I'm so excited I don't know if I would be able to sleep tonight honestly! I'm just so excited to see the stele and the runes on the screen! It's probably very much different from my imagination but if it's approved by the author, it should be quite the real deal! This is the first time I booked tickets for a movie on it's premiere day BECAUSE I KNOW I CAN'T WAIT. And Z doesn't wanna watch it with me reason being it's probably not his thing and he doesn't know why I'm acting the way I'm acting. Wait till he finally watches it. Gotta calm myself down now. I shall abruptly end my excitement. 

We went to mahatten to have dinner because the NDP booklet had this 1-for-1 coupon and it's for the most expensive platter they have. Since we were all on a tight budget, we decided to make the best use of what our country has kindly given us.

Presenting to you, rocker WY. HAHAHA!

Look at this yummy platter of food we had 2 for the price of 1. We ate till we were bloated like potatoes before they sent me to work. I tried to introduce my ladyboss to Terry but he ended being too shy. STILL TALK ABOUT GETTING GIRLFRIEND.

He keep saying he wanna look like a boss but see end up take this kind of picture.

While I stayed at work, they went to Sephora to spend WY's voucher. And so Terry decided to buy a perfume for his keaidemama, it smells really nice and it was on promotion. D: But I'm on a personal saving plan of my own now therefore I will nottttttt be tempted by it. NO. 

Went to Aisyah's house for a short Raya visit. Her curry is the bomb man. The curry is spicy and fragrant enough you just keep craving for it yum yum yum. The thing the curry is drizzled on is called Roti Jarah, it's basically fried flour. When I asked Claire what it was she told me it's called Roti Jalan. *bangs wall* Shit it's still funny to me hahahahahaha. Apparently walking flour/bread cracks me up so.

Oh yeah, upon entering the house I just asked "WHERE LEON?!" that is the amount of respect I gave to Aisyah but it's okay bbygirl I love you kay.

THIS IS LEON. ISN'T HE A BEAU?

But he's a fat beau. I was genuinely shocked when I saw him. Claire and Aisyah keeps telling me that Leon is fat, but I saw a big walking ball of fur. But he's still so cute omg I wanna hug him and cuddle him and if he were smaller I would have brought him home with me awwwwwww.

Had a short midnight jamming session with the people who were still there and you see that Edna don't know what she's doing again. Stayed till around 12:30 before cabbing home with claire.

So basically this is what I've been up to. I only get to see Z on weekends now. Recently because his dad returned to Singapore for a short while and there were so many events going on we literally had no time alone. He just had his first BMT book out and you can see the difference in the level of fatigue and restlessness in him. You don't really know if you should bring him out, or just let him rest at home. I guess it will be better when he becomes used to the routine?

So girls, is not your army boyfriend don't wanna spend time with you or what. It's just so tough in army. I don't know what it's like inside but it's Army. Physical exercise for 5/6 days in a week, they deserve a day of uninterrupted rest at home on their comfortable bed or maybe just doing nothing, or just doing whatever comes into their minds because inside there, they are stripped of the privilege to do so.

Z's mum sent me this picture that day at dinner. (MY FACE. WHY.)

Silly Z was so excited about using the Polaroid camera, turned out pretty good didn't it? It's so unfair that Z still looks decent without hair because I'm sure if I'm bald... I'll be forfeiting my rights to continue existing on this planet. But who knows, maybe I'll look like a handsome dude. Maybe.

6 more days to a 1-week holiday before I start internship! Thank you for sticking with me with throughout this long post, hugs and kisses to anyone who still reads this page~

People say.

We often set our level at "idol" level, that's why nothing seems to be good. We're too exposed to so many unrealistic things in this world, and we expect the unrealistic to happen in this realistic world. More often than not, they don't, of course. And then we get upset, we wonder why it's so unfair.

Maybe we should all snap out of it, and learn how to differentiate between reality and fantasy.

I used to think "Oh boy, where do I find a guy who can match up to Changmin.". The truth is Changmin is not real. He's there for our entertainment, his life story is our inspiration, but we'll never really know DBSK, we'll never really know Changmin. And they are not that perfect. They screw up, they make mistakes. We just don't see that, and they don't make mistakes on us. That's why they're called idols.

Falling in love made me realise how foolish it was to actually wanna find a guy like my idol. It shouldn't be this way. And I'm glad it wasn't. 

Z's so much more than Changmin. He makes me angry, he makes me laugh, he makes me cry but wipes my tears away. He gives me strength and courage, and forgives me for my mistakes. He understands me, loves me and acknowledges me. He has a big heart, a kind soul and a gentle spirit. I guess that's where I fell in love.

And I hope every fan girl in this world would find someone that's so much more than their idols.

Goodnight!

Supper @ Spize

Impromptu supper at Spize with Z on Sunday after his work! Wasn't exactly where we planned to eat, but oh well, we ended up at a really good place for supper! ;)

Unguarded Z.

After he realized I was taking a picture of him. In normal situations, the pictures would be reversed but well...  okaynevermind.

 Ordered black pepper beef hor fun and Z got their Special Roti John with mutton! The roti john was awesome because the mutton totally don't have the mutton taste! Mixed with mushroom and it was yumyumyummmmm! My beef horfun was not too bad, except that the beef was a little bit overcooked!

Their satay was good, but I don't fancy the sauce. 

Nahs never fancy satay sauce but Z said that it was good, so I suppose, it's good?

Impulse order: Cheese Fries
We only ordered this because we saw the waiter walk pass us with that and we were like "WOOOOOOOW" it looks so damn good so we just ordered it. Couldn't finish this in the end because we were both sooo full from our main course.

CLOSE UP. LOOK AT ALL THE CHEESE.

Supper and road trips with Z are always fun and spontaneous. I suppose it's cool because I plan stuff too much so I get kinda uncomfortable when things don't go according to 'the plan'. Ever since I got together with Z so many things have been 'off plan' and somehow I just got out of my comfort zone and go with the flow. Sometimes, spontaneous is not that bad. ;)